Another Smash Brothers Christmas Tale
by TheWolfmanWearsPrada
Summary: Join everyone's favorite villains as they once again endure the trials of Christmas! This year, Dedede is invited to a Secret Santa event, leaving Ganondorf and Bowser to find a replacement for their lost colleague. What secrets await our villains? Will a lesson be learned this year, or will they all mess it up again!


Once a year, people all around the world find a day of peace and respite. Men, women, children and many more have a time where they can meet with family, share in memories and spirits, and then celebrate far into the night. Of course most people exist in the Out There, the place in which those like the Smashers exist for the entertainment of. It had been a long, successful year for everyone involved. It made sense then that they too would get a night or two in order to rest, relax, and celebrate.

The once barren wasteland of snow and hills outside of the Smash Mansion was looking more like a small village these days. Master Hand had been busy at work bringing anything and everything to them. Their world had never been so lively with so many different beings. From space, from fields and seas, from lands with no humans at all, and places torn apart by wars and strife. Every single piece of it now existed outside of the Smash Mansion, sporting a near-blinding light of multicolored bulbs to signify the change in holiday. Spirits from near and far celebrated just as loudly out on the grounds as those within the walls of the Mansion did, making it impossible to escape the spirit of Christmas in the slightest.

Bowser, King of the Koopa, peered over the top of his playing cards to take in the expressions of those around him. By now it had become clear that there was little to be done about the singing, dancing, and other merriment going on around them. He wasn't too bothered by it, taking the time to carefully lift up his shining golden goblet of cheap Koopa whine, sip from it, and speak slowly.

"I do believe it is your turn," he muttered.

Ganondorf's cards were flat against the table they sat at, though he himself looked unwell. What was once the place for a short whiskey glass was simply the tall and hideous bottle of booze standing as a monument to his torment. His face was in his trembling hands as he tried to find the focus to bring himself back. A small slit opened in his hands, allowing an eyeball to peek through at the massive turtle.

"Turn? Turn of what?" Ganondorf growled.

It took Bowser a moment to answer. Not so much out of confusion, but more to give the great King of Evil enough time to hear him over the laughter. "We are playing Go Fish. You must ask if I have anything, so I may tell you to Fish."

If the sea of Spirits out on the grounds were dense with life, then the Mansion was livelier than it had ever been. All those who had once attended a Smash Tournament were back on the Roster, and many more had come to join over the months. Even after it seemed like everyone had come, Master Hand announced yet another Smasher. And another. And another. Before long, there were more people within the Mansion than it had room for, and was thus expanded. He had even heard that more were on the way before too long.

"Do you haaaavvveee..." Lifting a card, Ganondorf's face darkened further. "Any...fives?"

"Go Fish," Bowser replied, half proud of himself but half aware that showing too much would set the Gerudo King off.

With a dark hand enveloped in evil energy, Ganondorf groped at the center of the table and grasped a card. It burned at the edges from the sheer force of his hatred before the smoke went out and he drew his arm in. This left another gap of noise at the table, which was quickly broken as Ganondorf pounded the table loudly.

"**Go! Penguin!**"

King Dedede jolted slightly, looking bewildered after waking from whatever candy-riddled dream he had been in. "Who-what?!" He blinked a few times, took in the company of his fellow villains, and sighed before picking up his mug of hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps. "Oh, right. The card thing. We're still doing that?"

"What else _is_ there?" Ganondorf hissed.

He shrugged. "I'm not too sure, Dorf. Seems most folks just wanna celebrate and spread cheer! Seems like the perfect time to come up with a scheme, if I do say so myself."

There was a twitch of danger in the King of Evil's face before he swung around to glare at Bowser. He too went to look back at Ganondorf, but shrunk back at the sheer force of his rage. While Bowser was one for getting up to mischief, there was something in Ganondorf that was more ferocious than ever. Perhaps it came about when he decided to shave his beard off.

"Perhaps...not," Bowser replied. "Don't you recall what happened the last time we went about asking things?"

"I ain't talkin' about asking!" Dedede roared. "I'm talkin' about takin'! Going in there, getting what we deserve! A good old fashioned heist!"

Ganondorf rolled his eyes. "Does that happen to involve the complete genocide of every living thing that dares to object to our rule...?" he rumbled.

The King of Dreamland gulped. "Um...no. No it doesn't. I don't wanna be rude, I just wanna take stuff for myself!"

"That's pretty rude, if I say so myself," Bowser noted before taking a tactful sip of his wine. "At least you could take it and put the finances into increases the power of your forces, perhaps even invest in a new castle or two. Or eight. Putting as many things between you and your opposition as possible. It's the Koopa way."

"Or _killing everything._" Ganondorf was losing the last of his cool.

"Listen, I know you fellers do things differently. And I get it! But bein' evil is about more than just destroying things or building things or whatever!" Dedede rose up from his seat, his chest puffed out as he beat it with a fist. It nearly spilled his alcoholic holiday beverage, but he managed to save it. "It's about owning everything there is! And making it your own! It's about the land, the gold, and alllll the food!"

A long, heavy silence coated the space between the antagonists. All eyes were on Dedede, and for a moment he felt like he was going to be crushed underneath it all.

"...Food?" Ganondorf whispered dangerously.

"Food," Bowser confirmed, nodding.

"Aw screw you guys!" Dedede began, preparing to go on another tirade before he was interrupted. A small, pink blob bounced onto the table before the King of Dreamland, its small nubs waving about as it made cute, innocent noises. Dedede's nostrils flared. "YOU! DANG IT KIRBY, GET OUTTA HERE!"

Before it could be registered, Dedede slammed his massive hammer onto the table to crush Kirby. It missed, naturally, crashing the table to the ground and knocking many items into the air. Ganondorf's bottle of whiskey floated helplessly in the air along with the cards before it all came tumbling down to the ground, where the remains of the table lay-and Kirby sat on top of Dedede's massive hammer.

"Wha-why you! How in tarnation did you do that!" Before Dedede could go on, the pink blob held out a note.

"Pyoo~!" Kirby called.

"Huh? What's what?"

Plucking the note carefully from the Hero of Popstar, Dedede shot him one last glare before folding it open and reading through. It took a few times for him to understand what he was reading before a greedy grin crossed his face.

"Well would ya look at that! I got an invitation!" He turned to his fellow villains, who were in differing degrees of upset at the table situation. "It's an invitation! To a...Secret Santa!" Dedede reread the title with some difficulty before frowning. "What in Alabama is a Secret Santa?"

Finding Ganondorf too enraged to answer, Bowser took it upon himself to answer as he kept his wine chalice away from anyone else. "Well...if I recall correctly from Peach's pleas last year, I believe it's something where...people exchange gifts? But who they get is a mystery."

"Getting gifts you saaaayyyy?" Dedede rubbed his chin before miraculously managing to snap his mittened hands. "That's it! This is what I was askin' for! Oooh boy, I can't wait to get the best outta this!" He reached down, grabbing Kirby by an 'arm' and shaking him about. "Thanks, old pal! I'll be sure to do all I can! That way, I can get the best presents...!"

In a flash, the blue penguin waddled off into the depths of the Smash Mansion. Kirby sat at the center of the mess before smiling wide to Ganondorf and Bowser, offering a 'Hiii~!' and bouncing away himself. A tension rose in the air as Bowser counted to ten, remembered his sessions with Kamek, and then finally found a voice to speak.

"I can get us another table... There's plenty around. And some more alcohol if you'd like. I know that things-."

"We're replacing him!" The sudden shout back seemed like it rumbled with several voices, echoing Ganondorf's displeasure into Bowser's soul. "He doesn't fit us! We're evil! We have what it takes! And we don't need someone like him around!"

"Alright, alright!" Bowser raised a claw in defense. "I agree! You know, it'll take a little bit. Let's first get a table, okay? And then we can...talk about it. Alright?"

This strangely tilted Ganondorf back off of his rage, though it might have been from the fact that the bottle of whiskey was back in his hand. Not much was left, but the great King of Evil took a swig before slumping back into his chair.

"Fffffffine... You have five minutes."

* * *

The main hall was a little stifling to move through as Dedede sucked in his gut as well as he could. Voices of a few dozen other Smashers assaulted his senses as he eased around the Kongs before nearly tripping over Olimar. He shot back an unfeeling apology before finally plopping out on the other side. He stumbled a few steps forward, stopped, and gazed up at the shape behind a long white table.

"Muh-mah-Mastah Hand! Shucks, I had no idea you'd be here!"

He stared up into the palm of Master Hand, which floated a few feet above the ground behind the long table. The mighty fingers that made up its form curled slightly in uncertainty before furling back out in welcome. A light shimmered over its clothed surface.

"Oh, um, yeah! I got this here from Kirby!" Dedede held up the note as if offering a salmon to some ancient, forgotten deity. "See? Show's that I'm invited! So, uh, where's my free present?"

Master Hand shrunk back into a fist before extending a finger forward. It poked lightly into Dedede's note before it disappeared in a clap of smoke. Then it turned down slowly and pushed a brown box forward. On its surface were a series of poorly put together ribbons and glitter, and written on it in big, bold letters were the words, '**CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER**'. Dedede gulped slightly before reaching towards the opening.

"We're...not fighting over it, are we?" he asked. There was a waggle of Master Hand's finger. "Oh! I get it! You're decidin' who I'm 'getting' a present for! Ha! I see now! Thanks, Mastah Hand!"

Plunging his hand in, Dedede wormed about in the box. There didn't seem to be many slips left inside, nor was he sure which belonged to who. There was a mystery element to this...ah! Like the 'secret' in the title! Now he was sure what was going on. Really, Master Hand had better treat him better after this. He was learning!

Slowly he drew the page from the box and read it aloud. His brow furrowed from the effort. "Uh...Lucina? Who's that?"

Dedede looked up at Master Hand, who simply pointed out into the crowd. It was like the world parted for his vision, with the thick crowds of Smashers being drawn out and thinned to make the point of interest visible. Despite the warping of reality, the sole interest of his question stood out, half in a conversation with a man who was now a blue-and-red smear on the side. The woman stood tall, her shining blue hair catching in the light of the main hall as she smiled softly. Her blue armor matched it well, and on her hip was a lengthy blade which Dedede was far more familiar with than the wielder herself.

"Her? Really!" The King of Dreamland frowned at Master Hand. "I don't know anything about her! What'm I supposed to do?"

The benevolent hand shifted, its movements highlighted by the humming of the cosmos as it eased to the left, pointed, and shaped the world for Dedede's view once more. At the far end of the main hall was a bar, fully stocked and ready to dispense any beverage Dedede could dream of. He stared before glancing back up to Master Hand.

"...Well that's a start."

* * *

Ganondorf drummed his fingers on the new and improved table as he stared at their new guest. Not much could be said about Ridley, the notorious space pirate who had challenged Samus Aran time and time again. Of course his repertoire and presentation were what the Gerudo King was looking for, but somehow there was a lost glory in it all as he stared at his reptilian face.

"So here's how it is," Bowser began slowly. Ridley jerked his head up in interest at this. "We're playing a game called 'Cribbage'. Here, you gotta take up six cards and sort them out. The goal is to make points through the 'crib', which is formed from-."

Ridley shrieked loudly, jumping up and standing on his chair. His wings spread out wide, one of which plopped against Ganondorf's face.

"-Eh, sorry, I don't...speak..." The Koopa King fished for something to say before starting over. "Would you like to suggest a game for us to play, Ridley?"

The Space Pirate chattered before crouching down on the seat. His long, prehensile tail slapped onto the table, slowly digging into it with the bladed tip. He jerked his head about almost like a canary before snapping his jaws shut.

"This is idiotic," Ganondorf finally said.

Alarmed, Bowser sat up and set his goblet of wine aside. "Oh come noooow, Ganon! He's quite alright! A real team player~!"

As he said this, Ridley crouched lower and narrowed his eyes, clicking loudly as he began scraping his claws on the edge of the table. Something seemed to be getting to the creature as it sat there and simply judged them.

"He's an animal!" Ganondorf bellowed, waving a hand at Ridley. This seemed to upset the Space Pirate as he began to shriek and flail about. "A damned creature! Nothing more than some mastermind's pawn! There's nothing to be gained from this! I-!"

Before any more could be had, something padded against the window by their side. All three villains looked to see the sad, warped face of a man in purple overalls and a thin mustache. He looked cold, miserable, and above all wanting to be let in. The upside-down '**L**' on his hat was barely visible from the thick layer of snow and frost on the cap built up from lengthy time spent outside. There was almost something pitiful about the odd man, looking like a starved Wario and having the defining role of second banana like Luigi, but soon it was all swept away. Ridley shot up fro his seat, tearing it apart with his feet before springing out the window. A gush of cold air filled the space as the Space Pirate began mauling the strange man before the wall fixed itself in seconds.

Bowser stared for a time before glancing to Ganondorf. "You know, he was your idea."

"**I KNOW!**" Ganondorf howled before slouching back and grabbing his whiskey again. "Fine! You think you're so special? Then go find a better replacement! And make sure they're royalty!"

* * *

Dedede grumbled to himself as he sat at the bar, attempting to figure out what to do. The way Master Hand had 'put it', he had to get a worthwhile gift for this Lucina if he wanted to get the gifts he wanted. Of course it was a start before he would start nabbing other people's worthwhile gifts too. His mind was wandering as he heard a dispute further down the bar, likely coming from Samus as she seated Little Mac on her lap, before an unfamiliar face came up on his right.

"Excuse me! Hi! I'd like another ginger ale, please!" came a pleasant, almost folksy voice from a bear.

"And another martini! Make it bite this time!" shouted the red breegull over his shoulder.

The King of Dreamland looked to find Banjo and Kazooie at his side. Well, Banjo was, while Kazooie took up her usual post in his blue backpack. Both were looking good considering the rumors he had been hearing about the pair. He wasn't too familiar with them, but that didn't mean he was unaware of their legacy.

"Hey, ain't you two them Newcomers?" Dedede asked, pointing at the duo.

Banjo turned to him in surprise, his paw grasping the sweetened, alcohol-free ginger ale delightedly before he smiled. "That's right! Me and Kazooie here were back from the good ol' days! Of course, things have been a little different, but hey! We're just glad to be somewhere warm and comfortable."

Kazooie snorted at this, somehow holding onto the large martini glass with a deftness that wings shouldn't have allowed. Based on the places where the glass was no longer rimmed with salt, this wasn't her first drink. "Yeah, you could say that we were taken out back, fucked, and left for dead for all they cared."

"Kazooie!" Banjo hollered, before trying to smile back at Dedede. "I'm sorry 'bout her, friend. Kazooie is a...bit of a free spirit. She speaks her mind."

"Of course I do. What else is there? A girl's gotta get laid somehow..." The breegull seemed distracted before waving over at someone. "Hey! You! Blue falcon! Call me up!"

Dedede shifted awkwardly on his stool, which held his weight surprisingly well. "Right, yeah. Yer those fellers who got a couple of games before moving on out, right?"

"It's a bit of a long story," the bear admitted. "But to make it short, we had to move on. See other sights. And in our most recent game, we defeated our arch nemesis once and for all! Forced to work for all of time making games for...well, the people we were with then."

Another huff of disbelief came from Kazooie, who nearly blew her drink out of her glass. "Yeah! Old Wort-Ass got the better end of the deal! Grunty gets to make all of the games, and therefore she makes sure we don't get any games. Eleven years!" She swiveled around to glare into Dedede's eyes, gesturing with her wing that might suggest she was raising a middle feather at some unseen person. "Eleven! Years! Stuck in a void! Only taken out to race in another damned car, against that cocky blue asshole from that other failed company!"

This he knew, soon brightening up as he pointed to the only one in the room she could be talking about. "What? Y'mean that Sonic guy?"

"Yes! Round and round we went, racing! More racing! If I never see another car again, ha! It'll be far too soon..." Crossing her wings, Kazooie slouched back into the backpack and took a thoughtful sip of her martini. Smacking her beak, she leaned back to look at Banjo. "So this is faaarrrr better than staying loyal."

Banjo looked like he would be sweating if he could. He offered a light chuckle as he shrugged, jostling the breegull some. "I just think they're still...working on something big, you know? Who could forget about good ol'...Banjo and Kazooie..." His eyes looked hollow as he stared at the ground, his ginger ale nearly slipping out of his grip before he snapped back to reality. The life returned to his eyes as he grinned to Dedede. "So, friend! How are you? What's your story?"

Deciding not to press on the subject for too long, Dedede drew himself up some. "Me? Well, I'm the King of Dreamland, King Dedede! I'm sure you've heard of me!" When no response came, he continued in a more downtrodden tone. "Anyways, I got this whole Secret Santa thing goin' on, and I gotta get a gift for someone. And make it reeeal special! But where in Oklahoma am I supposed to go to get one?!"

"You lookin' to get some black market trinkets~?" Kazooie's tone turned playful, which worried Dedede slightly more than usual given her catcalls to Falco. "I've heard some talks around here... There's a gal that can tell you anything about anything! Hell, she got me in contact with more than a few fine folks around here. I'm sure she could help you out some."

"Is this really the time?" Banjo asked, his brow furrowing. "We could offer some advise!"

"I'd hate to tell you, dear, but our opinions are shit compared to hers. She lives for civil service. Trust me, this is the person he wants."

"Well who is it?" Dedede asked harshly. "I'm gettin' desperate! I'm supposed t'have until the end of the night here! Who do I talk to?"

Kazooie grinned, shot Banjo one last sassy look, and finally leaned forward. She cupped her beak with a wing as if to keep it a secret, which only drew Dedede in further. "You ever hear of a bitch called...Isabelle?"

* * *

"I'll tell you both, this is probably the most fun I've had in _ages~_!" squealed King K. Rool, clapping his hands excitedly as he wiggled in his seat.

It had taken Bowser a good long while before he found the Leader of the Kremlings wandering around on the outer skirts of the party deeper in the Mansion. He had nearly been dragged into a conversation with several unsavory Pokemon types before Bowser had managed to wrangle him in. Though he had to admit that Pikachu had a surprisingly hidden talent for freeform poetry.

"Is that so...?" Ganondorf asked slowly. It seemed like he was taking this antagonist a bit better, but he had also begun to drink more. "Tell me, then, what would you describe as '_fun_'?"

K. Rool thought for a moment before he gave a toothy grin. "Why, I'm glad you asked~! You see, I've spent a long time attempting to take all of the bananas from DK Island! By utilizing their power, I will be the proper ruler of their island!"

"An island, good," Bowser said slowly, trying to get Ganondorf to agree. "Those certainly seem like villainous things. Tell me, what do these bananas do...?"

"What do they do?" This confused the Kremling for a moment. "Why, Donkey Kong eats them! And he's quite strong! Surely taking them would sap his strength, or distract him from the ultimate goal, or...perhaps..." His left eye began to bulge, straining against an unseen pressure as the veins in it burned red across the edges of his eye socket. Both Bowser and Ganondorf perked up in confusion at this turn of events. "Perhaps...it would starve each and every last member of the Kongs. Their bodies malnourished and left to rot _in the tropical sun as my hoards of Kremlings stormed the beaches, __**burned down the jungles, and set up our factories to wring out every last resource on the island!**_"

There was a pause before K. Rool's eye sunk back into his skull and he slumped back, patting his golden belly playfully. "Or at least that's a start! There's also the...crystal coconut?"

"A crystal coconut?" Bowser echoed. "What does that do?"

"Well...whatever the plot requires, I believe! Though then we'd have to sing songs. I was always so surprised how well Donkey Kong could sing, always rising up against the vicious Ka-Ruel!"

Ganondorf grumbled. When there was a Newcomer in the Smash Mansion, it took them a while to formulate on the 'personality' they held. Some, like Dedede before him, didn't have much to worry about. His accent had manifested a few days after he joined the Roster, and now it was normal. But K. Rool seemed to be suffering still from an identity crisis, which was leading to his oddly light and almost feminine tone before dragging on back to a vicious, uncaring roar that drove a stake through any possible conversation. He seemed to be leaning towards the sing-songy leader of an underrated people, but there were still flashes of a ruthless king that had a side-job as both a pirate and mad scientist.

"So you don't like these cheerful holidays...?" The Gerudo King asked slowly.

K. Rool beamed, but in a way that didn't mean he was going to go into a rage. "Naturally! All this gooey-gooey nonsense, it's repulsively nice! I want to be evil, and joining in on those activities would make me no better than Donkey Kong!"

"Good! Then we're in agreement." Bowser began passing out cards, which some stuck in the grooves Ridley had left in the table from earlier as he tried to pass them to K. Rool. "Tell me, King K. Rool, what kind of card games do you play?"

"Oh, I'm always a fan of backgammon!"

The Koopa King paused briefly. "Well...I'm glad to hear that. But we're playing with cards."

"Backgammon it is, then~!"

* * *

It took a little bit for Dedede to make his way back through the crowd. Another shot of schnapps and a pep-talk from Kazooie later and he was prepared. Of course he had to dodge a few Smashers along the way, most of which had already started hitting the alcohol a little sooner than expected, but it would work out. Finally he spotted them; a tall and sleek man standing next to a small and adorable dog-woman. Of course he was expecting the latter and it only took for the man to turn around and speak that Dedede knew this would be more painful than it needed to be.

"Hey, it's the big man in red," Snake said, smirking as he pulled an e-cig from his lips. Apparently he wasn't allowed to smoke in the upper layers of the Mansion, and Dedede doubted he would want to wander outside every two minutes to catch a smoke break. "See that, rookie? You've always got to be aware of your surroundings."

Isabelle saluted the legendary soldier, her eyes twinkling in admiration as she did so. Somewhere along the line, she had tied someones necktie across her forehead. Dedede guessed it came from Villager. "Yes _sir_ Mister Snake, sir!"

Snake chuckled before looking back to Dedede. "What can we help you with, Champ? Looking to crash the party?"

"Ye-er, no, actually..." The King of Dreamland seemed disappointed that this wasn't the case. "Rather, I'm here t'speak to the little lady! She's supposed to be an information depot or whatever."

"Think you can handle this, rookie?" Snake asked her.

"Oooooof course!" Isabelle saluted him again before staring up at Dedede. "The Christmas season is dominated by the corporations of America! It's an installed base of investors and privateers put in place by the Patriots to leverage finances from the people to amass fortunes before the coming year! These often start on the 'Black Friday', where overstocked warehouses put their goods on highly discounted sales to move product, thus allowing investors to see potential to restock the corporations with finances based on the increased revenue and public interest in goods! Ranging from televisions to toasters to video game consoles, people line up from November until the end of December to buy large amounts of goods that they otherwise wouldn't-."

"Stooooop!" Dedede's voice bellowed, nearly knocking the little dog secretary over. "Stop that nonsense! All of it! I didn't come for no eco-nautical nonsense! Or no Pate-rats! I wanna ask about buyin' stuff!"

Isabelle gasped lightly. "He's already _one of them_...!"

Snake chuckled, spewing out a cloud of steam. "That's alright, rookie. America is about letting the people choose for themselves. If he wants to be a sheep, let him."

"Ah, I get it! Yeah!" Isabelle pumped her tiny paws before saluting Dedede. "Then what is your question, cadet!"

"Cadet? What's a..." Dedede caught himself from continuing on. This was how people like Snake got to him. He inflated himself slightly. "I mean! I gotta get a present for someone! And I need ta know where to go!"

Isabelle lit up immediately before she grinned. "Ah~, is that all? That's easy! Go meet Tom Nook out in the Spirit Village!"

"Tom-who?"

"He's a big raccoon with big profits," Snake explained with some satisfaction. "Unfortunately for you, it might be a little tough to get some stuff from him. I hear he works his own black market, selling goods for a specific currency..."

Dedede waited to hear what it was, and when nothing came, he frowned. "Which is what?"

"Bells!" Isabelle seemed to ignore Snake's look of surprise as she filled him in without hesitation. "Tom Nook loves bells! Big, small, round, square, it doesn't matter! So long as they jingle, he loves them!"

The King of Dreamland took a moment to look around the main hall. Just about every Christmas decoration around the place was covered in little jingly bells. From top to bottom the whole place had to be crawling with them. A crooked grin crossed his face before he leaned in and slapped both Smashers on the back. Isabelle fell on her face while Snake simply grunted as his e-cig went flying. "Well thanks for the info, Isabelle! Shucks, what a shame I'm not getting anything from you! But I guess that's how it goes! Ah ha ha ha ha~!"

Chortling the whole way, Dedede waddled off and through the crowd. Snake adjusted his shoulder before pulling Isabelle back up, a sense of disappointment in his voice as he spoke. "Well...you can't win them all, rookie. Spilling that much information? You were nearly monologuing there."

"Sorry~," Isabelle replied, a small cloud of doubt hovering over her head. "I tried my best, Mister Snake. It's just in my nature to help people."

"I know kid. And that's a good thing to have. Just keep that in mind for the future, okay?"

"Okaaay..."

* * *

With a bounce in his step, Dedede kicked the door back in to the Mansion with a large box in his hands. His grin was massive as he laughed to himself, his belly rolling with joy as he spoke to himself. "There! I've got just the thing! It took me twenty minutes of wranglin' all those bells off, but I got it! And now, in my grandest moment yet, I shall-!"

He stopped, finding that there were certainly three people who were listening in on his bragging. Of course they would, as there was only one table next to the main door. Slowly the King of Dreamland turned to look into the faces of his fellow villains...and one extra.

"I say, who is this deranged fellow?" K. Rool asked harshly. His crown slumped forward slightly. "Isn't that the chubby candy collector you all had kicked out?"

"I would say that 'kicked out' is a bit harsh to say," Bowser muttered.

Ganondorf peered at the large box in Dedede's mitts, took another swig from his bottle, and laughed. His face looked flush all things considered. "What is _that_? Don't tell me that's all you've managed to do! Moronic fool!"

Dedede pursed his beak before grunting. "No! This is what I'm gettin' for my Secret Santa! It's what I gotta do to get an in!"

"And...what is it? Hm?"

There was a long pause before the King of Dreamland scoffed. "Like you'd understand, Dorf! I ain't gotta tell none of you nuthin'! I'm gonna go, give this out, and before I know it I'll be _swimmin'_ in the glory of everyone else's stuff!"

With that, Dedede stormed off. There was an odd quiet that hung in the air before K. Rool shifted in his seat. "What an absolute ruffian!" he declared. "To just barge in without any warning! And what was that large package in his hands?! What do you believe it is...?"

"Nothing," Ganondorf slurred slightly. "There's probably nothing in there. Then he'll...spring a trap. Attack whoever it is. Then Master Hand will **_CRUSH_**him...and all will be good." And then he drank.

Bowser leaned back, his efforts to reignite a card game lost between his drunken associate and the newly obtained mad crocodile. He stared into the depths of the Mansion where Dedede had disappeared to. "I don't know... I got a bad feeling about this. There's something about this that feels off. Like he isn't going to make it through the night."

"Oh poppycock!" K. Rool said. He waved a clawed hand through the air to swat the thought out of the air. "That putrid penguin will make it through! I can tell! I'm a master of details, and it seems like he will be victorious!"

"What makes you so sure?"

The Kremling King grinned, his eye bulging out slightly back at Bowser's question. "Why, the same way I am so sure about so many things! _Because they have to go that way! __**Or else I will have to make it work out how it was intended! BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY!**_" A silence came before he slumped back and snickered to himself, his eye sinking back in. "Oh, but don't let me spoil the fun! Let's continue here!"

"It's going to be a long, _long_ night..." Ganondorf hissed.

* * *

Now it seemed like there was some order to things as Dedede strode back into the main hall. In his absence, it seemed that the Smashers had gotten together to start exchanging things. He looked about, noticing the great deal of things that he could snatch. Like that blender being handed to Mega Man! Or the toaster oven that Incineroar held over his head in triumph. He even caught a glimpse of a cardboard box on the ground, which popped open with Isabelle inside. He'd have to thank the little sucker after he nabbed all of their gifts for himself. It was only proper!

It took no time at all for him to find Lucina, still standing to the side and speaking to the other Fire Emblem characters. Her gaze drifted up in surprise as he closed in, and soon the other Smashers let her stand on her own as he came up. His smile was wide as he hefted the long, thin box over his shoulder before holding a hand out.

"Hiya! The name's King Dedede! I'm your Secret Santa!"

The swordswoman stared up at him in hesitation before taking his hand. She seemed to relax slightly as their palms crossed, and soon she drew her arm back. "Greetings, King Dedede. I am Lucina, the Future Witness. It is a pleasure to meet you."

An odd thing seemed to happen as she bowed to him. He felt a little...relieved somehow. Like talking with her eased his emotions as she spoke. He shook it off quickly as he flopped the box down.

"Yeah, uh, neat," Dedede replied. "Well! I got you a gift! Went through a lot of work to get it too, so you'd best like it! And if not, well...I'm not sure what then. But I'm sure I'd figure it out!"

"As expected from a king, I suppose," she mused, before taking the box. It was light, and it took little effort for her to pull off the top. Her eyes widened for a moment before she drew out the long, blue dress. It was trimmed in silver and had odd patterns on it. She held it up to admire it. "What's this? A 「Tacky Dress」? That's what you got me?"

He bit his lower lip. "Uh, yeah! I was told it'd be something you might enjoy! Took a long time ta do what I had to. Not that it was...any trouble or anything."

A light danced in Lucina's eyes as she clutched the dress to her chest, her smile more genuine than any he had ever seen. It gleamed like the first reaches of light from a morning sun illuminating a dining table that was still full from the previous night's banquet. Dedede had to gulp. "Wow... I've never seen a 「Tacky Dress」 so pretty! It's even in my favorite color too..." Despite her dry voice, there was a life in it that seemed to toy with Dedede's emotions.

"R-really? Me too!" Dedede grinned as he straightened up. "Course, it helps that I am blue. But you are too! In a way. Y'know? It's weird to say, now that I think about it. But...you know!"

"Really? Wow. I feel like we've got quite a bit in common..." Lucina thought about this for a moment before she smiled again. "Well, I really enjoy this dress, Lord Dedede. It's a very fine gift. I simply wish I knew what to give you in return..."

Noticing her sadness, Dedede quickly recovered from the flattery of being called 'Lord'. "Well shucks, that's alright! I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal! And besides...I'd say that seein' you happy is good enough, you know? Most folks would be _proud_ to be given your gratitude, so chin up!"

He reached over, putting his mitt on the top of Lucina's head. The swordswoman's eyes widened further, and for a time they stood completely still. In a moment of uncertainty, Dedede began patting her head as if unsure about a dog's intentions to bite him or not. But there was no chance of her doing so. She giggled lightly, which took Dedede by surprise before he began chuckling. Soon both were laughing, the dress stuck between them as Lucina inched closer. Her laughter was contagious, he found, and before long he found himself leaning down to her level.

"Oh Lord Dedede, you are quite strange!" she stated. "Ah... There is something about you that I cannot place. But it's not unwelcome."

"Really? Well, I'd say the same about you! I suppose it's 'cause no one else is blue but us!"

"Most everyone, I believe. But...you're right." She stopped laughing, which left Dedede to chortle for a time before he too stopped without realizing it. Her hands pressed onto his chest, just above his broad belt, and gently clutched at the fabric. A smile danced over her features. "I'll tell you what, Lord Dedede... Come with me. I'll find a way to give you a gift of my appreciation."

"Uh...okay!" Dedede smiled some once more. "Is it gonna be fun?"

"Yes...yes, I do believe so."

* * *

Dedede stared up at the ceiling. How exactly had he gotten here?

Before he knew it, Lucina had lead him through the crowd and upstairs. The many doors of the personal rooms for the Roster Holders went by until they reached one marked '**21ε**'. Wedged between 21 and 22, it seemed to give the impression that it belonged to the same person who had lead him along.

The ceiling was nice from what he could tell. It was tiled, rather fancy, and visible past the long curtains around him. Then what happened?

She had drawn him in, setting the dress aside and pulling him close. Lucina's hands moved oddly and hypnotically as she coaxed him in closer, and before long the room had spun around them. His feet left the floor, then his 'feet' seemed to be freed from his shoes. Did he even know he had shoes? Actually, had he ever been like this before?

That's where he was. Dedede lay on his back, covered only by a thin blanket that sat along the wide curves of his body. He wasn't even aware that his robes could come off. The hat had stayed on, but it wasn't where his mind was. There was 'something' that he had no real idea of what it was or what it did. Pulling his robes open to show off his muscled pecs for a fight with Kirby was one thing, but this was beyond that. He was nude...and so was she.

Lucina's hand was tightly held in his, a warmth emanating from the connection. Her fingers tried their best to slide between his, but Dedede didn't seem to have fingers. She curled up by his side, her form modestly hidden beneath the same blanket as him as she smiled up at him. "This is nice..." she admitted.

"Y-yeah. Real nice..." Dedede blinked before attempting to look down at the swordswoman. "I ah, don't really know what to do here, if'n I'm being honest. Things are movin' a little fast and all. I just, I guess... Are you okay?"

She smiled warmly and nodded against his shoulder. "Yes. I'm doing great... What about you?"

He gripped her hand a little more firmly, which spread the warmth through his body further. "I'm...I think I'm doing good. It's nice. Like...freshly squeezed orange juice on a sunny day."

"Hehehe... That's nice. I like that."

"You do? Well...good."

"Mmhm..."

Dedede went back to staring at the ceiling. There was something strangely perverse about holding hands like this. He wasn't quite sure what to do. How soft was he supposed to hold it? Was he supposed to rub his thumb along her palm like that? How much of their wrists could touch before it went too far? These were all things he really wanted to ask but couldn't manage. Just as he was ready to speak out, he let out a grunt as Lucina suddenly drew herself up on top of him, pressing her bare chest to his as she smiled into his face.

"Would you like to feel better?"

"Better? I mean...I suppose. For such a modest gift. But if you're really suuurrree..."

"I am, Lord Dedede. Believe me when I say it."

With that, Lucina pressed her lips to Dedede's beak. A rush of wonder filled him as their bond somehow deepened past the simple holding of hands. He wanted to catch his breath, but Lucina wouldn't allow it as she pressed further and further into him. Soon the world swam in a sea of ecstasy as he embraced her. Their two bodies became one, and for one fleeting moment, Dedede felt like an entirely different man...

* * *

It was nearly daytime. Bowser glanced out the window as the sun glared over the snowy fields beyond the Spirit Village. The last of the Christmas lights went out for the day, waiting to be lit one more night before they all went back to work. It was Christmas day, and there would be more celebrating later in the night. He wondered for a moment what to do as he stared at the slumbering villains around him. Ganondorf was slumped back with several empty bottles surrounding him as K. Rool was slumped forward with his snout smeared over the table and a bubble grew and shrank out of one of his nostrils. He sighed as he lazily collected the playing cards, confident that at such an early hour, no one would see a Koopa of his position engaging in such an act.

This wouldn't last as there was a cry of shock from the hall, making Bowser stop and subsequently throw the cards across the room as footfalls came his way. Soon the figure of Dedede stood before him, his pants barely clinging to his waist and his robes half open on his body. They shared a horrified look before the King of Dreamland spoke.

"Bowser! You gotta help me!"

"With what, pray tell?" asked the Koopa King.

"It's Lucina! She-I-we-Oh, just look!"

Behind him came a Mii Fighter. Bowser stared at the odd Smasher, who held a sword in its hand without consideration. It was tubby and oddly dressed like that one Smasher, Chrom, with some golden horns set on its forehead. Its hair was blue, and its lips looked rather flat and yellow, as if to emulate a beak. It looked back at Bowser as all Mii Fighters did; without remorse or consideration for doing so. He pondered this before asking, "Is...this a friend of hers?"

"It's Lelele!" Dedede grabbed the Mii Fighter before shaking it in front of Bowser. "Last night! W-we...we held hands! And she put me in a bed! And this morning, this _thing_ was there! It's called Lelele!"

Lelele the Mii seemed to enjoy this as it smiled and wiggled about before being slapped back down to the floor. It wiggled around before bouncing back up and running off into the Mansion.

"Oh Underwhere... You two had a Mii Fighter?" Bowser asked.

"What do you _mean_?!" Dedede begged.

"How do I explain this... You see, Dedede, when you bond with another Smasher enough, and you both, ahem...consent, you produce a Mii Fighter. They're not all the same, and sometimes they just come about on their own. But that's what happens."

The King of Dreamland stared at Bowser for a time before throwing his hands up. "Then what was all the sex about?! I didn't even know what my Dididick was meant to do before now! You're telling me just holdin' hands did this?!"

"That'd...be correct, yes." Bowser looked uncomfortable as he shifted about in his seat. Despite having 'the talk' with all seven Koopalings and Bowser Jr., he still hadn't gotten the hang of it. It surprised him more that Dedede knew much of anything. "Hold on, you...you went and did _that_ with Lucina."

"Yeah! It was nasty! And gooey! And kinda loud, and...soft. Real warm. It was...was..." Dedede's words died in his throat as he scratched his chin and looked about. He tried to come up with something before huffing. "It was kinda nice. Huh. Weird. You think making a little heir to my throne would ruin that. But...I guess I'd be interested in doing more. Er, relationship stuff in general! Not any of that...disgusting hand holding nonsense..."

"Well...congratulations, I guess." Leaning back, Bowser peered at the slumbering antagonists before offering a spot at the table. "You...wanna talk about it, man? We got some time."

Dedede stared before nodding, finding something to sit on and dragging it over. He plopped his bottom down, pressed his hands to the table, and admired it before quirking an eyebrow. "Huh? This table is kinda nice. Where'd you find this?"

"It's a bit of a long story. How about we do this one thing at a time?"

* * *

It was Christmas night. The Smashers were all gathered about and enjoying themselves like always. The muffled screams of some poor homeless purple plumber were washed out against the window of the Mansion, where four villains sat about. There was some laughter and chattering, and even Ganondorf seemed less miserable as he groaned.

"I'm so hung overrrr..." he grumbled, pressing a hand to his forehead. "But it makes their joy painful...and that makes it hard to get sick!"

"Is _that_ how it works?" K. Rool asked, his left eye twitching. "Hmmm~. Perhaps I should try this 'alcohol' for myself. You'll have to give me recommendations. Oh, but anything that's fruity and comes with an umbrella is a _must_!"

"They've got just about anything you could ever want," Bowser remarked, "No worries there. I'm sure you'll really start to fit in soon." Sipping his Koopa wine, he glanced to the last member at the table as he smirked. "I'm a little surprised with you though. Weren't you going to steal the holiday?"

King Dedede chuckled, his hands wrapped around his usual hot cocoa and schnapps as he leaned in. "Steal it? Shucks, I don't think anything could get better than what I got! Except for Lelele. That little thing is...ugh. I'm glad they shoved it on away so that no one would ever see it again!"

"Unless, you know, someone downloaded him," Bowser remarked cheekily. "But there's no way that would happen. I got a feeling he's locked away forever. Never to be seen again."

"What a clean way to wrap things up! Hahaha!"

"Oh, laughter? I _love_ laughter!" K. Rool interrupted. Jerking his head back, his eye popped further out than ever as he began a ghoulish howl that lead into a wicked laugh straight from the depths of their nightmares. The three other villains stared as he kept going, almost pulling air in as he let out jets of foul and corrupt laughter. Eventually though it stopped as he coughed, slumped back in his seat, and sighed. "Ah, what wonderful times those were. To laugh without restraint..."

The moment was broken up as a pair of figures walked up to the table. Ganondorf immediately froze up as he drew up his sword, preparing to overhead swing it at one of them. "Our of here, Hero of Hyrule! I will not have you spoil this for me!"

Link held up his hands defensively. This Link felt like the other Link, but he had changed much like Ganondorf himself did. Though apparently his tacky love of sweaters was still alive and well, this time displaying a sprite version of himself with the Hylian glyphs making out the words 'You Obtained Elf on a Shelf!'. "Relax! I'm not here for any of that. I came looking for Dedede. It seems I pulled his name for the Secret Santa, and I never found him. But I got some help from..."

His words died off as Dedede stared at Lucina. The swordswoman offered half of a smile, not quite wanting to acknowledge what happened but all the same wanting to be there. Her hands were clasped before her, as if to hide the face that she was wearing the 「Tacky Dress」from before. She waved lightly to the others. "Greetings," was all she said.

"The, uh, oh! Secret Santa, yeah..." Dedede felt embarrassed as he scooted his chair back. "Well, let's have it then." He watched as Link pulled a package from seemingly thin air and passing it over to the King of Dreamland. Dedede pulled it open, occasionally looking at Lucina before stopping at the open box. Reaching inside, he retrieved a miniature Master Sword stuck in a pedestal. His memory flashed, thinking of his time at Tom Nook's shop, and recognized it pretty quickly. "You...got this from that shrewd raccoon feller, didn't you?"

Link hung his head in shame. "Yeah... They had nothing else left! So...yeah. Merry Christmas or whatever."

He gave one last look to Lucina before excusing himself. The swordswoman hovered around, tapping her feet for a while before smiling to Dedede. "Um...mind if I join for a bit?" she asked. "I...felt like I should. at least for a while. I'll probably get back to the party soon enough."

Dedede looked into her eyes. That odd connection that they had formed was still there. Even if she hadn't been entirely honest with him, and they now had a bastard Mii Fighter running about, he couldn't say no. He smiled warmly, dragging over some chunk of the old table that Bowser had failed to clean up, and patted it. "Come on then, Lucina. We were just about to play some Texas Hold'em!"

"Texas? What strange nation is that?"

"Shucks if I know, but it makes for a good game! Ka-Ruel, deal her in!"

* * *

Looking on from the shadows, Marth bit his lip as he watched. He shook his head before drawing back. "Honestly now, Sir Kirby... This is what you had in mind? I can't imagine you really planned all of this."

Kirby stared up at him almost in confusion, as if what Marth had said didn't make sense. "Hoo?"

"I suppose you do work in mysterious ways... I just pray that things do not go wrong. Unlike what occurred between Dark Samus and that Inkling..."

"Whaaah~!"

"Mm. You're right. Perhaps I'm being overprotective. Let us move on, Sir Kirby."

With a sweep of his cape, Marth headed back to the main hall to join his other Fire Emblem Smashers. Kirby stood on his own, waiting for something before peering back in on the table of villains, now with plus one hero. He smiled warmly to himself, speaking in a small enough voice that not even the Squeak Squad could have heard him on a silent night.

"May all of your dreams come true this holiday season, and have yourselves a Merry Christmas~..."

* * *

**_The End_**


End file.
